i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
