I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
