took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
