Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
