I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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