I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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