LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
