This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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