Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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