Will you blow on my dice?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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