Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
