I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I pour the whiskey from now on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
