i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
