there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
