i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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