You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
