she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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