I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
where are you?
Hypothermia
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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