I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
