Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
