whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
