Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
