Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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