i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
