i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We left an ass print on the piano.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
