your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
