I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
