This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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