this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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