take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
