The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
