I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
