I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
