Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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