Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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