My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
