Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
