im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
