Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
