Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
