im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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