Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
