Fuck appropriateness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
