i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
