I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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