He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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