The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
