I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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