I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
