i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
