I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the high leading the old right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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