I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
