Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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